Beginner's Mind

by Aria von Elbe

February 2, 2004

Why is it that when you're doing something for the first time your insides churn until you think they've turned into soup? Maybe that's why my first tournament felt like a roller coaster Ride of Doom.

As a newly-minted 18k beginner I just wanted to play good solid games and try my best at the Toyota/Denso Oza Tournament in Seattle. Unable to think of much else besides where I was supposed to go, Table 37 was the only thing I looked for on the sheet of paper on the tables next to the goban. I didn't even bother to look at who I was playing against, though from the 60 or so people gathered in the room, I assumed he would be at least 20 years my senior; as a teenager this was pretty much a given.

But it wasn't the age difference that was turning my insides out. After nine months playing at the Miami Go Club, this is one challenge I've managed to overcome. Not without a struggle, however: at first, I was quite afraid of the club's older players' experience, despite the supposed leveling effect of 9-stone handicaps. As much as I hate to admit my fear, it's true. Over time, though, I've learned to not worry about the opponent and just focus on the game.

Playing in my first tournament, though, was something completely new and different. In my familiar club setting, people I know tell me why, when and how my moves are bad. Although my stomach had managed to tie itself into a knot, I had to walk across Route 5 to get to the board for my match, which gave my nerves time to calm down. No sooner had the jitters subsided when my first opponent whipped out his PDA to record the game. Somehow I found this a bit distressing and though I would like to blame it for my resignation, one of the lessons I learned at my first tournament is that "only weak players make excuses."

So, no excuses, plain and simple he was just better than me, and I'm okay with that. As for my other five opponents, they were all better than me too. Good thing I didn't go to Seattle to win this tournament; in fact, I went to see the Kisei game and hadn't even planned to compete. But I did go to Seattle to learn, and I did learn, which is enough for me. For now. -15-year-old Aria von Elbe is a 10th-grader in Miami, Florida.

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